Semi-Formalities and The Beginning of the End

To be quite honest, there is not too much to report from the past week. The year is winding down meaning that projects and papers and assignments are piling up. Seeing as this is my fourth (or seventh if you count semesterly) time doing this, you would expect that I am used to the workload, but I still find myself staying up until 3am and waking up at 7am regularly to complete assignments. I guess I don't mind it though because I still find myself prioritizing time with friends over schoolwork which shows that I am not too concerned.

One thing that I am beginning to notice is that the beginning of the end of my time in college is really starting to being. This weekend was a weekend of lasts and while I enjoyed my time, I found myself becoming sentimental. Saturday was a wild day. I was on duty the night prior and had to be up at 7 to do Day of Formation for the service trip coordinators. This day of formation was my last day of formation. I enjoyed spending the day with my peers and teaching them how to facilitate the different aspects of our program, but I found myself becoming rather reflective. As I looked around the room at the sophomores and juniors, I found comfort because I know that we are leaving the program in capable hands, but I also felt strange knowing that my involvement in the program is about to be over.

Immediately after Day of Formation, I went over to my friends apartment to get ready for my final semi-formal with Kappa and my final social event with my little who is studying abroad in the spring. For whatever reason, I much prefer semi-formal and formal to the date parties in Kappa. Perhaps its because I really enjoy wearing fancy dresses, but who knows. I was able to spend my night dancing with my closest friends and some new friends. A few things went awry meaning that one of my friends who is the president was unable to spend a lot of time with us. This lead us to going out after semi which was a blast.

Though I am currently managing emotions about the end of so many things, there are also many wonderful things that are just beginning. As for details on that... you will have to wait for a later post ;)

The only picture I have from the events

Carrying on a Legacy of Justice

This past weekend, I was blessed to be able to make a 20 hour bus ride to Washington DC with 58 other members of the Creighton community to participate in the Ignatian Family Teach-In for Justice. This was my second experience with IFTJ and it is an event that has been very impactful and formative in my college career. For those of you who do not know much about IFTJ, it is a conference held every year to commemorate the six Jesuits, their house keeper, and her daughter who were martyred on November 17, 1989 at the University of Central America in El Salvador. Thousands of members of the Jesuit community come out to support this event and it is truly beautiful. The Jesuits were working to create a more just community for the marginalized groups in El Salvador and the government did not like that. Due to this, Salvadoran soldiers who were trained by the School of the Americas in Fort Benning Georgia murdered the Jesuits in a rather horrific manner.

While my heart aches every time I hear about these events, I don't think I was fully aware of the gravity of what the UCA martyrs did until this past weekend on IFTJ. These men and women quite literally worked for justice until death. They were aware that they could die, but they did not let that stop them. They kept going. This hit me hard because I often question to what length I would go for justice. Currently, I am weighing my post graduate opportunities and I find myself saying things like "I need a stipend" or "I need help with loans" and now I feel rather selfish. They were willing to give up their life and I have only been willing to give my service conditionally when there shouldn't be a condition placed on when justice for humanity is right. While I am still excited to being post graduate service, I now have a new framework for how I want to serve.

While on IFTJ, I was able to attend many break out sessions and advocate on capital hill for issues that are important to me. I spent a lot of my time expanding my knowledge on issues relating to environmental justice and took that information to Senator Grassley's office. I was advocating for the EPA power plan which seeks to enforce carbon output regulations in order that only 30% of emissions will be carbon related by 2030. Naturally, Senator Grassley does not support this and I found myself having to bite my tongue in order to not become unprofessional. Overall it was a phenomenal learning experience and gives me more willpower to continue writing letters, making phone calls, and participating in visits with members of the house and senate.

Overall, I still find IFTJ to be beautiful. It provides an experience where I have never seen more passion, an experience where I can connect my faith to my passion, and an experience that gives vocational direction. I am proud to have gone, and I hope to rise up to the challenges I was given while there.

Born to Run

Have you ever felt invincible? Have you ever had that moment where you feel like you can and will accomplish all that you have hoped to accomplish? Have you ever felt like your body has a connection to any and all things around you? That is the feeling I find when I have a good, powerful run.

I realize I talk about running a lot, but recently the connection I have with running has been a formative and exhilarating part of my life. Though I enjoy running with friends, I also appreciate the time I have when I run alone, be it on a trail, on a track, or on a treadmill. I put in my ear buds and just go and I am not sure that there is anything else in my life that is like that. When I do this, I push myself to my highest limits. I go until I cannot breathe, feel my legs, or move any faster, but somehow I keep going and I often find myself smiling and occasionally crying. I cry at the absolute beauty of what it means to be alive and to be able to push my body to its limits and continue to break barriers and how lucky I am to have this desire. 

I often reflect on how weird this feeling is, this obsession I have with breaking my boundaries while running, but I think it is because it is something that is purely my own. The strong introvert in me rarely is given the attention it deserves. All day every day I am in class, meetings, attending to the needs of friends, family, and residents while trying to find the alone time that I need and crave. On a solo run, I allow myself thirty minutes to an hour where I can be alone with my thoughts and do something that truly only impacts me. This relationship began when I was in middle school and my family was upside down. Though I was only 13, I found solace in tying up my tennis shoes and leaving the familial strife behind the front door. Running is something that has always been mine and something that I almost view as sacred. 

Though this relationship has existed for quite some time, I did not recognize it until this summer when I began to research running. I wanted to know about what a healthy running diet was, proper shoes, proper training for races, how to become faster, how to run on different terrain, etc. If I needed to cheer up, I picked up a book about running, looked up running on pinterest, or tied up my shoes and had some fun. I am beginning to better understand this connection and I am beginning to appreciate what it brings to my life. Sometimes my runs suck. I can't breathe, cramp up, am too dehydrated, too hot, too cold, or too tired, but I will run as long as my body allows me to. I was born to run and I cannot let that go.

Being Thankful

I apologize for the hiatus in posts, but last week I didn't have a free minute to myself. It was to the point that I did not even have time to run or do yoga. I was mostly busy because my service trip collateral was in full force. I am in charge of planning and executing the service trip reunion. 50 weeks out of the year, planning the reunion is incredibly easy. The other 2 weeks are a different story and last week happened to be one of those weeks. I was also much busier with school than I had planned or expected to be. Papers are piling up along with exams and projects, but in the midst of all of this I find myself not wanting to miss out on the social parts of my life. In the past, I wouldn't mind skipping a date party or a movie night with my friends to stay in and study because there would always be more date parties and movie nights. That is not the case this year. With graduation looming in the near future, I want to engage in any and every moment with my peers because only God knows when I will have these opportunities in the future.

While the business of this past week was at best draining, and I won't lie, I cried in my professors office (embarrassing right?), I cannot help, but be grateful for these opportunities and the friends that I have to support me throughout. I am so so lucky to be able to get a university education. Only one percent of the world's population of the world is able to attain an education from a university and I am fortunate enough to attend a university that exposes me to a rigorous course load. I am lucky to have professors who push me and believe that I can be successful. I am lucky to have numerous leadership positions and membership positions in organizations around campus. I am lucky to have friends and family members who constantly call or text me because they want to see me. Yes, I have put in an insurmountable amount of work and am truly dedicated, but my privilege is what opened up these doors and I cannot overlook that. While I am overwhelmed by the demands in my life, I am so grateful that I have been chosen to fulfill those duties.

I am also incredibly thankful for my friends who have been helping me  and have never left my side along the way. Last semester, when I went through a pretty heart wrenching break up, I was able to fall on my Kappa sisters for support. And when I say fall, I mean it quite literally. I cannot count the number of times one of my sisters crawled in my bed or let me crash in their rooms for support on one hand. Ever since then, there has been a core group of about eight of us that do everything together. We share secrets and heart aches, but also laughs and each others accomplishments and I cannot thank them enough for that. This past weekend on Halloween, we were all together and I found myself feeling so incredibly happy. We were dancing to Taylor Swift's Shake it Off and I was able to look around and see how much we have become a true family. Naturally we then all got emotional about graduating and knowing that this group is not invincible, but I know these are my friends for life.

Through the trials and tribulations of growing up, I have always heard that you will find your people. I have found my people and though life is stressful, I know it will be okay.