Saying Goodbye

Well. Seeing as I graduated over two weeks ago, it is about time that I write my final blog post for senior year. If I am being honest, I have been putting this post off for a while. I thought that senior week and walking across the stage would help me move forward and begin "adult life" but honestly, I felt the same after walking across the stage as I did before.

So. I will start with senior week. This week was a wonderful week and I don't know why more schools don't incorporate it into their graduation schedule. Yes, I spent a lot of money on going out and meals and whatever else. Yes it was frivolous. Yes I did not sleep at all and probably gained 15 pounds, but I am so grateful to have had this week. I cannot imagine having to say goodbye to the people that have become my family immediately after finals. This week allowed us to gain some closure on the fact that a very significant chapter in our lives would soon be ending.

Some highlights of senior week include the 3 bar crawls I was able to go on, beer olympics with my friends (and winning flip cup with Augusta for Hispaniola), random house parties, Worlds of Fun, and baccalaureate before graduation. I would be lying if I said that the entire week was bliss, but I can say that I had a blast and I was allotted time to truly enjoy the people who have made Creighton so special.

This past year has been such a beautiful experience. I traveled all over the country for a variety of excursions. I made the best friends I could ever ask for. I pushed myself to new academic heights and I gained a stronger sense of self. As cliche as it may sound, I loved and lost, laughed and cried, lost friends, but gained many. I formed a strong bond with the wonderful women of #bluehearts and gained even more confidence to pursue everything that I am passionate about. I no longer fear entering a situation where I have little or no control (which is a big deal for me). I have more appreciation for strong friendships enjoying the moment. I now know how immeasurably blessed I am to have gone to Creighton with all of its ups and downs.

Leaving Creighton was not and still is not easy, but I look to my friends who graduated in the past 3 years and they seem to be making it the best way that they know how and that gives me the confidence I need to know that I will be okay. Here's to all of the people that made Creighton and most importantly this past year what it was. You all have a special place in my heart and I am forever grateful for your presence in my life.

Though I may be writing the final lines to an amazing chapter of my life, I know that many more lines will be written in many chapters to come.

Paz,
Sarah

The Half-Marathon

Over the past couple of years, I decided that I wanted to run a half marathon. For whatever reason, I never got around to it. Sometimes other things conflicted, or I missed the sign up, or I was simply to nervous to do it, but I finally signed up and ran a half this past Sunday with one of my best friends (Anna) and her twin sister (Angela).

Our last training run

Not to sound cheesy, but running this half was quite the journey for me. We signed up in the beginning of January and we had a group of 6 that we were supposed to run with. Due to extraneous circumstances, people ended up not running and that was slightly discouraging. Also, life seemed to get in the way and I could not always get the right training runs in or enough training runs in. My cross-training also totally fell through which meant that I wasn't as physically strong as I had hoped to be, but regardless of all of this, the half was a learning experience. I learned what works well in training and what doesn't. I learned that long runs are not as scary as I thought they would be. I learned that things like a half take a lot of time, energy, and dedication, but most importantly I learned that if I set my mind to something, I truly can do it and it can be enjoyable.

The home stretch with my (not so) impeccable form

While I was running, I was surrounded by both runners and supporters for the entire 13.1 miles. People who didn't even know me were cheering me on which was something I did not expect. Also, my best friend from high school, her mom, and two of my college best friends came out and met us throughout the race to cheer us on. Also, I received texts in the morning to wish me well. These moments are what I am most grateful for. To know that I have people in my life who would take the time out of their day to come support me while I was completing something major that was also making me nervous took my breath away and also helped me finish.

The medal and sticker (not pictured) made it all worth it

I have always wanted to run a half marathon and while my knees are still a little tender, I had such a wonderful experience (except for mile 9, that was pain I cannot explain). Long distance runs are also a bit addicting so I signed up for a five mile run on memorial day and will be doing a full marathon in Chicago on October 11th (follow this link and fund my run for the charity I am running for: http://mercyhomehero.com/i/sarah-kelly#.VUjsK_lViko).  Running is an integral part of who I am and I am glad to have finally made this great accomplishment and to have done so surrounded by loved ones.

The best training partner there ever was.

Nearing the End

I realize that I haven't written anything in quite some time, but that is because I have had a difficult time formulating how the end of this semester has been going. A lot of truly wonderful things have happened. We began celebrating one of our best friend's marriages with her bachelorette party, I became a Kappa alum, we had our formal, and I presented my first independent research project three times. Luckily I have been able to enjoy these experiences because the bulk of my work for the semester had to be turned in by mid-April. Essentially the last few weeks have been relatively smooth sailing.

My one picture from Shannon's bachelorette party

While I have been trying to relish in each moment, I have also been trying to understand how I am feeling about the fast approach of graduation. In 4 days, I will be running my first half marathon with one of my best friends. In 2 months and 10 days I will be moving away for an indefinite period of time for the first time in my life. This will be the first time that I am out of school and its honestly just strange. I have a few friends who are post-grad and they all talk about how they are fine and everything will be fine, but I also know that the first year out can be really hard.

research with the best

However, I am lucky that I know it will be hard. Yesterday I had to run some errands and spent a little bit of time outside and I was able to realize just how much I appreciate Creighton. It hit me like a bus, but I have realized just how lucky I am to have the friends, mentors, and family that I have. I would not have become the human that I am today without the Dominican Republic, residence life, the CCSJ, Kappa and every other moment in between. Has it been easy? Of course not. It wouldn't have been worth it if it was easy.

Senior formal with the senior class <3

In one of my capstones yesterday, Father Gillick talked to us about how God wants us to be and how really God doesn't have a plan. He explained to us that God simply wants us to be human beings. Being human means recognizing that we are selfish and that we are going to feel pain and that we are never going to be complete, because only God can complete us. Success won't complete us. Money won't complete us. Finding the perfect life-partner won't complete us. Yes, these (un)freedoms will contribute to a false sense of security, but at the end of the day, we don't know what will happen tomorrow. The only thing we can do as humans to be truly human is learn how to love unconditionally and do our best to live selflessly while recognizing that we are going to mess up sometimes. While a lot of what Father Gillick had to say would anxiety-inducing for a lot of people, I (an anxiety ridden person) felt a sense of ease after what he had to say. Recognizing that perfection can never be achieved and that all God wants is to see us try is oddly comforting.

Earth day = best day (and everyday)

So. Tomorrow is my last ever day of classes. I have one more test (for aerobics) and one more presentation (for art class) and then I will be done. Though I am in no rush, graduation is in 2.5 weeks, but I think I will be ready when it gets here. I am forever grateful for the people and the experience I have had at Creighton. All of them, even those that made me uncomfortable or made me feel pain because I have grown.

End sappy post.

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front by Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion - put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front" from The Country of Marriage, copyright © 1973 by Wendell Berry, reprinted by permission of Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc.

Rediscovering Restlessness

This semester has been a bit of an odd one for me. For a while I was not feeling quite like myself and it took a trip halfway across the country for me to figure it out.

About a week and a half ago, I was able to enjoy the privilege of presenting my research at the Society for Applied Anthropology meeting in  Pittsburgh. Though my presentation was one small part of a massive conference, I felt very alive the entire weekend. I was surrounded by like-minded individuals who renewed my faith in my abilities as a student and as a human being. I was able to see the vast array of opportunities within Anthropology and beyond while being surrounded by individuals at all points of their Anthropology journey from undergraduate students like myself to Merrill Singer, an Anthropological celebrity. I entered this trip thinking it would be a "good experience" and a "learning opportunity" but for me it amounted to so much more and I am so glad that I went.

SETH HOLMES - fan-girling 

My research. 

Augusta's research 

Easter was also quite interesting. I learned what it was like being a single child - which I have no desire to do again - but I was also able to consider some interesting topics. One major part of Easter weekend in the Christian faith is renewing one's baptismal vows. I had never paid all that much attention to it before, but this year I decided to really listen. Afterwards, I felt compelled to consider what other promises I have made myself and to renew those as well. A few are listed here:

1. Take care of your health - run, yoga, meditate, bike, hike, lift, eat healthily - your body is your mechanism of achieving dreams and helping others.
2. Pray intentionally.
3. Practice vegetarianism.
4. Practice forgiveness.
5. Have an attitude of gratitude - think of a  handful of things you are grateful for everyday.
6. Honor commitments.
7. Sleep.
8. Practice patience.
9. Release anger.
10. Listen for God's call and respond passionately and dutifully.

These are just a few, but are food for thought as well. I feel at peace and am enjoying this present moment.

My one picture from Easter

Seeds

That is the name of this short film which was produced by two young men whom I am fortunate enough to call my friends and whom I admire immensely:

https://vimeo.com/120817795#at=1766

As I watched this film for the second time, I was overwhelmed with emotions about how much I appreciate, love, and owe this program. After being a participant, coordinator, and core team member, I can say that this program has changed my  life for the better. It has given me direction in my passions and my own discernment process for my future.

Watch it. Love it. Appreciate it.

I have and I always will.

When Class Turns into a Therapy Session

Though I really don't have time to blog right now, my last class was rather inspirational for a blog post and I haven't blogged in a while so here we go.

This semester I am fortunate enough to be taking one of the most coveted honors classes: Imagination to Invention. A lot of people see this class as an easy A, there really is not a lot of reading, and if I am being honest, we draw half of the time. All of this being said, I think that if people are truly engaging the material presented, they can learn a lot about themselves, how they think, and how to apply that to the world that they live in.

Before spring break we did a lot of activities involving our Meyers Briggs scores (I am INFJ (or INFP according to my prof)) and we did a simulation of handling chaos. Now that we are back from spring break, we analyzed our chaos activity in accordance with our Meyers Briggs scores and the five stages of death and dying. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Often times when experiencing times of chaos like poor personal health news, break ups, job changes, etc, people will go through the stages of death and dying. This is something that I knew, but what I didn't realize is that according to your Meyers Briggs score, you may get stuck in one of the stages. Because I am NF, my professor said that I am likely to find myself stuck in the depression stage.

This for me was life changing - and this is not an exaggeration. Recently I have experienced my own form of chaos in my life and a feeling of dull sadness has been present ever since. I breezed right through the denial, anger, and bargaining, but have been sitting in sadness. It really sucks. However, my professor found a way to help me. By knowing that my predisposition to depressive tendencies is simply a part of my personality, I suddenly feel okay. Yes, I am still sad. I will be sad, but this sadness does not define me nor will it last forever. My professor, without even realizing it, was able to help me manage my sadness and I will be grateful to her for that for a long time.

No need to worry about me. I will keep on keeping on and I have wonderful friends and family to support me through this moment of chaos.

In other news, spring break is over which means that I was able to spend 9 beautiful days with 7 of my best friends. We went to Miami for the week and then spent St. Patrick's day in Chicago. I was able to see an old friend that I have not seen in a long time and I was able to explore the city where I will be living next year. Overall, break was wonderful and now I need to remain present to the end of my undergraduate experience.

Feeling Selfish

This week I have been spending a lot of time reflection on how I spend my time. If you look at my calendar, nearly every weekend has some sort of commitment all the way through graduation, and it is only February. On campus, I am involved in only a few things, but they are things that take a lot of time. My courses are very involved this semester, but that is what comes with taking 2 capstone courses. Needless to say, I am overbooked, yet again, when I thought I was not going to be. I love everything I am doing, but I am beginning to feel drained. Also, my involvements are negatively impacting my relationships with people that I care about which is something that is very upsetting to me. Ultimately, I feel selfish. I don't think it is acceptable that I can run and do all of what is important to me to the point that I cannot be there for people that care about me and people that I care about. Relationships are two way streets and I need to do my part. I am ultimately searching for balance and hopefully I can find it before I lose more relationships.

#NoMoreTears

*Deep breath in*

This week has easily been the biggest emotional roller coaster that I have been on in a long time and if you know me, you know that I cry at the drop of a hat - especially when I am tired. Currently as I type this, I can feel the beginnings of tears, but seeing as the title of this is about not crying, I am going to try to reel it in.

*Deep breath out*

This weekend started off wonderfully with easily one of the best Valentine's Days I have ever had. I ate brunch with my closest girl friends in our pajamas and we all prepared a dish. I made my first ever real thing (as in food) and was pretty proud of myself. When I went back to my building, I saw that Trent had left me flowers and chocolates. I had never been given flowers before and I felt very cared for and special. Though I spent the afternoon working on homework, I was happy because I was actually accomplishing something for my research which had been giving me anxiety. That night Trent picked me up and we had an early dinner at Salt 88 (which I highly recommend), then watched one of our favorite movies (Silver Lining's Playbook), and ended the night by playing drinking games. Trent taught me a new one (Beer Die) and while I was frustrated because I was losing, it was actually really fun. Needless to say, my Valentine's Day was everything I could have asked for it to be and I was incredibly joyful.

*Deep breath in*

The next day is when the roller-coaster hit a bit of a low point. I had to have a challenging conversation with someone I care about that made me question a lot of things about what it means to care for someone and  made me feel ultimately insecure which is something I haven't felt in a long time. I am hoping and feeling that things are on the up and up, but only time will tell and my impatience is rather unhelpful.

*Deep breath out*

Tuesday I was given the wonderful news that my first choice position for post-graduate service has offered me a position for next year. I immediately accepted and so much pressure was finally taken off of my shoulders. I am blessed to be able to do something that I know will challenge me as a person and help me grow and I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to work for the Mercy Home for Boys and Girls next year.

*Deep breath in*

Finally Wednesday I had to say goodbye to my brother (and best friend) as he moved to New York to pursue his lifelong dream of acting and directing. While I am immensely proud of him, I feel a lot of sadness because my go-to person is no longer here.  We will obviously still talk and now I have a fun place to visit, but getting used to his absence will take some getting used to.

*Deep breath out*

In the midst of all of this, it is really difficult to not be overly emotional. It is not yet noon and I have felt like crying for both happy and sad reasons at least four times. I know that these incredibly intense emotions will subside eventually, but for now I am concentrating on no more tears.

*Deep breath in*

I have a lot to look forward to this weekend: senior bar crawl for Kappa, ice-skating with my sisters, seeing the service trip movie premier, and watching the Oscars. I don't want to put a damper on these events with tears so for now, I will just keep breathing and hoping for a little bit of solitude and peace.

*Deep breath out*

Boardwalks - Little May

This song just caught me off guard today and I am playing it on repeat. Below are the lyrics.

Somebody swore me you were leaving town,
I swear I never thought you'd be the one who'd let me down,
Fold this part,
Unfold this part.
Sticking to the walls sticking to this one way street,
You could never run but you said you'd run with me,
Hold this heart,
Hold this heart.
And I will not fall hard this time.
Cause' we are not afraid of who we are but of what we have become,
And we are not afraid of what's to be when this road has just begun,
So we will turn our backs and close the doors for the last time,
Give me back what's mine.

The Weekend that Felt Like a Year

To say that this last weekend was insane would be an understatement. My weekend was full of beautiful and exciting moments and was also in preparation for my future after graduation.

For starters, Friday was my last date party in Kappa Kappa Gamma as an active member. Thankfully I am thinking of that now and I didn't think of it then because that would have been waterworks central. Our theme was "Can't Be Tamed" and Trent and I went as turtles - they cannot be tamed so don't judge. Also, being a turtle is so much harder than it looks. I now understand why they move so slowly. Anyway, the date party was such a blast and I am glad that we were able to end our date party career on a high note.

The next day was my induction into Alpha Sigma Nu, a Jesuit Honor Society and supposedly one of the highest distinctions I can get as an undergrad. It was fancy. I had to stand and get a certificate and listen to a bunch of speeches. Fancy cheese cubes were served afterwards and it was overall a great ceremony. My family and Trent came to support me which was very cool and made me feel so loved. Being invited to join Alpha Sigma Nu has been one of my goals since my freshman year when I heard about it and to have been given this experience is something that I will be forever grateful for.

Sunday and Monday I traveled to Chicago for an interview for my dream volunteer position. I hadn't flown in nearly two years (yes I still drive everywhere) so that was cool to kind of do everything on my own. I then navigated the el (L?) in Chicago on my own for the first time and while I literally got on and off and that was it, I thought I was pretty cool. Also, I really love public transportation. I sat for an hour on the train, listened to music, and just people watched the entire time. Everyone on the train has their own story and is going to their own destination and I just want to know more.

Overall my experience in Chicago was great. I loved being able to enter the current volunteer community for a short time and see the neighborhood where I will potentially be living. While I feel confident, I will not know if I have the job for about 2-4 weeks so I'll keep you posted.

Throughout this whirlwind of a weekend, I have been reminded of how immeasurably blessed I am to have so much support in my life. Massive thank yous to Jeff Peak, Carissa Hernandes, Love Wallace, Mr. Ault, and Sunni Renner for writing me countless letters of recommendation, to Trent for taking me to and from the air port and surprising me with a 5 pound bag of pretzels upon my return, and to my friends and family for always believing in me. Yes this is a sappy post, but I mean every last word. I wouldn't be where I am without you.

Life is good and I am happy :)

My Own Self-Evident Truths

Some days I am insecure. Some days I am pushing on the side of arrogant. Most days I am at peace with myself. Regardless of my level of confidence, I find that I am in a constant state of self-analysis and this can be both positive and negative. My practice of inward reflection often times allows for greater self growth, but also occasionally makes me feel unworthy or as if I am not good enough. I have been working on accepting myself for the good and that which needs improvement. In effort to pursue this mentality of acceptance, I decided to make a list of my own self-evident truths and since I'm 21, 21 truths shall suffice:

1. Running is the best therapy.
2. The key to happiness and finding joy is being of service to others.
3. Grilled cheese and Mac and Cheese.
4. Kappa Kappa Gamma has changed my life for the better.
5. My siblings are the three most important people in my life and I don't tell them enough.
6. I'm a vegetarian, but I never liked meat anyway.
7. Never will I ever regret being an RA.
8. I am a self-proclaimed pacifist, but I have the utmost respect for servicemen and women.
9. 10 minutes of meditation can turn anyone's day around. 
10. I am so good at doing things for people I don't know, but so bad at doing things for my loved ones.
11. I am bad at letting people in so if we are close, that is pretty special.
12. I am severely independent. 
13. Coffee is my life-blood.
14. Surprising me with food or coffee will bring our relationship to a whole new level.
15. I don't like being touched unless I know that it is coming.
16. Open Your Eyes by Snowpatrol is and always will be one of my favorite songs.
17. Singing at the top of my lungs in the car with the windows down with my sister is one of my absolute favorite things to do. 
18. I feel deeply.
19. I have awful ears, but perfect eyes.
20. My grandma is easily the most influential person in my life.
21. I want to change the world.

Meditation and Mission Statements

This past year, I have been very fortunate to work in one of the best offices on Creighton's camps, the Creighton Center for Service and Justice. Those who lead the work and service completed in the office truly care about its employees and volunteers.

This care was exemplified in our winter retreat this past weekend. Though the retreat was short, I really enjoyed the numerous meditative experiences and the assistance in writing my own personal mission statement. When I was told I would have to write a mission statement, I became very anxious. I had never written one before and the examples that were read aloud to us were well-crafted.

Thankfully we were given some guidance and steps to follow and I think I came up with something that is not too shabby:

While my own personal mission statement will always be a work in progress, I think having one to start with is helpful. It is also great to reflect upon as my intention to start my day. Sometimes I tend to focus on the negative and knowing my own mission statement allows me to reframe my perspective.

Today and everyday I am thankful for the CCSJ for opportunities like this and for inspiring me to be my best self.

Also, shout out to Anna for being an awesome running partner and Trent for surprise pizza. You are both the best.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

53

53. This is the number of women that Creighton's chapter of Kappa Kappa Gamma was blessed to welcome into our sisterhood this past Saturday on bid day. While I am very excited to welcome these young women into my life, I spent the last week going through a roller coaster of emotions searching for these new members.

If you are in a sorority, you know that recruitment can be a brutal time period. Each day you cheer, dance, smile, and spend hours in a room (or a house if you have one) in order to do recruitment the way it is supposed to be done. I did not eat a real meal for a week straight and was unable to see my friends outside of Kappa. While I absolutely love the women in Kappa and while all of my best friends are in Kappa, I found myself being absolutely warn out after a week of together time. By Saturday, my emotions were all over the place leaving me deliriously happy one hour and crying the next. My inner introvert was screaming for attention that it had not been paid and I lost five pounds from cheering for several days in a row.

Though all of this is true, I do not regret going through recruitment this year one bit. I hope to leave a legacy behind in my sorority even if that simply means that I am remembered as being a welcoming person. I hope to make Kappa as wonderful for our new members as it has been for me these past three years. If that means cheering, dancing, and engaging in small talk for several hours over the course of a week, then I will do it because Kappa is worth it for me and so are the new members.

I am so happy to say we have 53 new members to welcome into our organization, but I am also happy to finally find a semblance of normalcy these next few weeks. I look forward to being able to see my guy friends and boyfriend on a more regular basis. I look forward to being able to enjoy a drink with friends on occasion. I look forward to staying in my room all day just because I feel like it, but most importantly, I look forward to getting to know the last new member class that I will have the pleasure of meeting this semester.

Going Greek

In a week, I will be in the midst of formal women's sorority recruitment at Creighton. This means I will be jumping up and down screaming my chapter's cheers, talking with countless PNMs (potential new members), and spending twelve to sixteen hours each day with my sisters. This is my last recruitment and as I see all of the Greek women at Creighton encouraging those who are not Greek to go through recruitment, I find myself reflection on my own Greek experience.

As a second-semester freshman, I knew nothing about Greek life. I had watched a few episodes of Greek on ABC family, but that was the extent of my knowledge. I found myself becoming insecure about whether or not I would remember each chapter's letters, philanthropies, colors, and mascots and was unsure of whether or not I was really a "sorority girl." That being said, I would not allow myself to quit and I found myself accepting a bid to Kappa Kappa Gamma at the end of the week.

Freshman year bid-day

Throughout the past four years, Kappa has been a formative, life giving, beautiful experience and I know that this is true for women in other chapters on campus. As a freshman, I made so many mistakes. Though I learned from them, I am not necessarily proud of them. Kappa picked me up in these contentious moments. Kappa has taught me how to be a strong leader and how to live a life of integrity. Kappa has given me a network of women who support me when I fall down, but who empower me to be the best version of myself.

The best little 

I am not sure where I would be without Kappa or without Greek life in general. All I know is that by going Greek, I found my lifelong friends, have found a home of love and compassion, and I have found out what it means to be a part of something much greater than myself.

Formal 2014 with my favorites

I am scared of what life as a Greek alum will look like and look forward to indulging in every last minute of my time as an active, but I look to these moments with great joy.

High school art teacher who is also a Kappa

I am so excited for those going through recruitment to find what I have found even if that means not joining an organization. Being Greek has made me a better person and I am proud to call myself a sorority girl.