Accepting Uncertainty

To say that the last week and a half was a whirl wind would not be doing it justice to say the least. Just to make a list of it all, my building flooded, Kappa won a different organization's philanthropy event, I made amends with my ex-boyfriend, rode my bike to a beautiful place, helped residents manage some challenging issues, attended an academic banquet, SUBMITTED MY RESEARCH, and finally led my second to last service trip preparation meeting. Phew. Essentially, I have been trying to be someone for everyone and do all that I can to make senior year "count."

In the midst of all of this, I had to accept some harsh realities. One of my friendships took a rather large hit which hurts. I realized that going to graduate school right after undergrad is not the best option for me and I need to gain experience before graduate school will be the best option. I didn't study enough for a challenging exam and my residents are starting to reveal their very real struggles to me. All of these challenges are normal and are to be expected. I do not feel bad for myself for having to manage them, but I do understand that they are shaping my future and my year.

It can be overwhelming at times to manage all of it while still portraying to those around me that I have it all together. My closest friends and I sat down recently and talked about how we feel like we are peaking right now because everything is planned out, but next year is an abyss. When I walked into the academic excellence banquet for Kappa, this all changed. I was very blessed and fortunate to hear a speech by a nursing school professor. Normally at these things I hear the typical make your college career count speech, but this professor took on a different perspective. She told us that we need to learn to accept uncertainty. By doing that we can begin to live. Nothing in life is ever truly planned. Though I may plan to go to Oktober Fest tomorrow night, something may change in the next 24 hours not allowing  me to do that. Hearing the professor talk allowed me to free myself from these incredibly high expectations that I have placed on myself and I don't think she could ever know how grateful I am for that.

She reminded me to be grateful. I am grateful for the opportunity to be a leader at Creighton. I am grateful for Kiewit hall and my residents. I am grateful for the CCSJ. I am grateful for friends who aren't afraid to be honest with me and hold me accountable for my actions, but I am also grateful to know that I have many people that I can call at any time of day for assistance. I am grateful for Kappa. I am grateful for my family, especially my grandmother. Lastly, I am grateful for my faith in God which has let me know that all of this is possible.

Celebrating the Talent of my Friends

I have a friend named Nico who will be famous someday. This is something that I know will be true because he is talented and his work is relevant. In earlier posts I mentioned that I went camping with my university. Here is a video that Nico made to encompass the journey and I don't think it could be any better.

http://vimeo.com/107000266

Nothing is more practical than finding God, than falling in Love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in Love, stay in love, and it will decide everything. - Pedro Arrupe

Merp.

So. If you know me, you have heard me say the word merp before. Merp is a word that I use when times are slightly frustrating and to my dismay, this week has been slightly frustrating. Now, normally on a blog I wouldn't whine, but if I want this blog to be an authentic representation of my life, I have to recognize that things aren't always going to happen the way that I want or expect.

Anyway, as my last post stated, last Wednesday I finally joined the 21 club and Wednesday was truly a beautiful day. I was in class and meetings from 8:25 am to 5:00 pm, but I didn't mind because I am fortunate to be taking courses I love and the meetings I had were for organizations that I truly care about. Afterwards, I went to Roja with my brother and two close friends to enjoy my first legal drink and enjoy it I did. I proceeded to go to my sorority chapter in a very great mood and was elected to the Academic Excellence committee so kudos to me. That night I went out with some of my closest friends and finished the evening with a quesarito (which is God's gift to mankind if you did not know yet).

The next day is when things start to get merpy. Basically, I currently am in a weird transition and I don't quite know how to manage it. While I love being an RA, being a member of Core team, and being in Kappa, I am now beginning to realize that all of these things will cease to exist as I know them in a matter of months. I am being challenged by senior year in ways that I did not expect. For example, as an RA I expected the year to begin similarly to the way it did last year, but a lot changes in twelve months. I am an RA for freshmen women and to state it simply, I am in a much different place than my residents are. They are at the cusp of discovering who they want to become and are starting relationships that will last them a life time while I am trying to live up to the expectations I have developed for myself and trying to cope with the fact that in May, my core group of friends will no longer all be in one place. I am preparing to leave Omaha for an indefinite period of time which scares me more than I would like to admit and all the while I am trying to manage through a couple of falling outs that I never foresaw.

All of this being said, I am grateful for my position in life. I have been surprised this year by how much I can count on the people in my life and by how much I have grown. Three years ago when I started at Creighton University, I was incredibly naive, quiet, and self-conscious. I am currently rather audacious and driven with big dreams that I know I can achieve. I just have to get through the merpy parts of life first.

My Last Day Being Underage

I suppose this title is just me advertising to the world yet again that tomorrow is my 21st birthday. Other than that, the title is pretty arbitrary because if my day goes as planned it will be pretty uneventful.

So anyway, to the content, this past week feels like it was pretty standard, but in reality, it was not. On Wednesday of last week, my little and I spontaneously decided to go to the Husker game against McNeese St. I am so glad that we made that decision because last week was rather challenging in terms of balancing school, work life, and my social life. I want to be on point in class, but that is difficult when you miss your first writing assignment (which I did). Anyway, come the weekend, I was in need of a break. Again.

Vegetarian Chili

Friday night, I was very fortunate to spend a large chunk of time with individuals who work in the Creighton Center for Service and Justice (CCSJ). This office has been an integral part of my experience at Creighton and spending time with the people who work there is always something I look forward to and crave. Ken, the director, was kind enough to invite everyone over for some home cooked food and community. My dad was even able to meet my coworkers which I never expected to happen. Later that night I picked up my bike so now I finally have some transportation and it is sustainable which is a win-win. All of this being said, my favorite part of Friday night was being able to hang out with some residents and eat pancakes. Up until that moment, I had only spent significant time with residents in mandatory meetings which is something I was not happy about. Finally being able to see them outside of that setting and be a bit more human was welcomed.



Saturday I attended my first ever Husker football game. Sounds exciting, but when I told people this, they looked shocked and disappointed because I am a Nebraska native and to not have attended a Husker game by then was embarrassing. It was an interesting situation because the game was an 11:30 game meaning that tail-gating began at 8am. So, I found myself at a UNL Pike party at 10am meaning my first Lincoln frat party happened at 10am. Then we watched the game which was much much closer than it should have been. To be honest though, I didn't mind because I got to see a really exciting game for less than thirty dollars. I now understand why people love Husker football. The energy is like something I have never experienced before and could make anyone happy.

So after the weekend ended, I fell back into the normal routine of duty, classes, and meetings. Its gucci though because starting tomorrow, I am a legal woman and fun times are to be had ;)

The First Two Weeks

As I sit here and begin this blog to document my senior year of college, it is already crazy to me that I have been moved into my dorm room for two weeks. Though I have only had two actual days of class, it has been a whirlwind of  a first two weeks. For those of you who don't know I am a house advisor (glorified second year RA) and on the leadership team for Creighton's service and justice trip program. Because of these commitments, it seems like I have been running from meeting to class to meeting for the past couple of weeks. Occasionally I get to consider eating or sleeping or running, you know, the necessities. While I have constantly felt, I am in love with the organizations I work with at Creighton and I am incredibly grateful for the opportunities they have given me. That being said, by last Friday, I was in desperate need of some sleep, sun, and a break. Thankfully, I signed up for the Fall Adventure Retreat through Creighton's campus ministry. Essentially, I was able to go on a four day camping trip in the beautiful black hills of South Dakota with some of my best friends while getting to know new friends as well. I was nervous to leave my residents for the first weekend of school, but I have no regrets for leaving.

Because I was on a retreat, I spent a great amount of time reflecting on my relationship with God. As a senior, it is amazing to see the intense transformation in my relationship with God. As a first year student, God was a distant figure that did not really have any place in my life, and now as a senior, God is my greatest companion and the one who drives my life. I felt His presence at every moment throughout the retreat and currently feel him with me as I prepare for the year ahead. While I signed up to attend the Fall Adventure retreat because it included hiking, biking, and camping (some of my favorite activities), I left with a sense of peace and a clearer understanding of my position in life. I also left with a sunburn and greasy hair from not showering for 4 days, but those are just details.

On the retreat, I realized my own personal need for reflection which is why I started this blog. Reflecting on my senior year will allow me to live through it more purposefully, and hopefully more joyfully.

I hope you enjoy it.