Accepting Uncertainty

To say that the last week and a half was a whirl wind would not be doing it justice to say the least. Just to make a list of it all, my building flooded, Kappa won a different organization's philanthropy event, I made amends with my ex-boyfriend, rode my bike to a beautiful place, helped residents manage some challenging issues, attended an academic banquet, SUBMITTED MY RESEARCH, and finally led my second to last service trip preparation meeting. Phew. Essentially, I have been trying to be someone for everyone and do all that I can to make senior year "count."

In the midst of all of this, I had to accept some harsh realities. One of my friendships took a rather large hit which hurts. I realized that going to graduate school right after undergrad is not the best option for me and I need to gain experience before graduate school will be the best option. I didn't study enough for a challenging exam and my residents are starting to reveal their very real struggles to me. All of these challenges are normal and are to be expected. I do not feel bad for myself for having to manage them, but I do understand that they are shaping my future and my year.

It can be overwhelming at times to manage all of it while still portraying to those around me that I have it all together. My closest friends and I sat down recently and talked about how we feel like we are peaking right now because everything is planned out, but next year is an abyss. When I walked into the academic excellence banquet for Kappa, this all changed. I was very blessed and fortunate to hear a speech by a nursing school professor. Normally at these things I hear the typical make your college career count speech, but this professor took on a different perspective. She told us that we need to learn to accept uncertainty. By doing that we can begin to live. Nothing in life is ever truly planned. Though I may plan to go to Oktober Fest tomorrow night, something may change in the next 24 hours not allowing  me to do that. Hearing the professor talk allowed me to free myself from these incredibly high expectations that I have placed on myself and I don't think she could ever know how grateful I am for that.

She reminded me to be grateful. I am grateful for the opportunity to be a leader at Creighton. I am grateful for Kiewit hall and my residents. I am grateful for the CCSJ. I am grateful for friends who aren't afraid to be honest with me and hold me accountable for my actions, but I am also grateful to know that I have many people that I can call at any time of day for assistance. I am grateful for Kappa. I am grateful for my family, especially my grandmother. Lastly, I am grateful for my faith in God which has let me know that all of this is possible.