A Year to Learn

Every New Year's Eve, I give myself a chunk of time to reflect on the happenings of the last year and record my experiences, but I won't lie, though this year had its fair share of new experiences, it was rather tame compared to years past. I did not go on any month long journey's, my family did not have over the top drama, I didn't lose any friendships, and I didn't make many life changing decisions, but I did learn. I learned optimism and forgiveness. I learned the value of true friendship and confidence. I learned how important it is to allow myself to live in the moment and be present to the experiences that I am having.

I came to learn these lessons through a variety of experiences and people over the course of the year. I started my year new year at an awful party where someone jumped off a balcony and was severely injured. My night ended with me in tears at about 4:00 am simply searching for my bed and hoping that the rest of my year would be better.

When I returned to school, I was thrown into the midst of sorority recruitment. I had never done recruitment from the sorority perspective before because I was abroad the year prior and I was a bit anxious. Much to my surprise, I loved recruitment and I was able to learn a lot about my own chapter and organization's values. Throughout this year Kappa has become something very special to me. I have a home there and feel like the women of my chapter truly push me to be the best version of myself, but are still there to catch me when I fall. Recruitment was also fun for me because I was able to see my residents from last year find organizations where they truly felt at home. With my final recruitment looming in the near future, I am excited to welcome new sisters, but also excited to see the young women going through recruitment find a home just like I have in Kappa.

As the semester continued, I was busy, but excited to be so involved. I had started a new yearlong position on Creighton's service trip core team and was nervous, but ready to have such a large role in the service trip realm of my life. With this responsibility, being an RA, and being in a sorority, I was rather tied up with activities, but everything was going smoothly, but after Spring Break, it seemed as if everything that could go wrong did go wrong (ok that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but still). Two people from our building staff were fired leaving me to manage 60 women alone, my best friend and I had a severe falling out that was not fixed for months, and a 9 month long relationship ended unexpectedly. My heart was broken in so many ways and I felt so low. My self-esteem also took a hit and I had a hard time feeling confident.

I spent my summer putting myself back together, but I had a lot of help in doing so. I worked three jobs (DJs, the desk, and Boys Town), but still managed to find time to enjoy my friends and get some research work completed. While I was working, I purposefully focused each day on something that made me happy by participating in an activity called 100 happy days. By the time day 100 came around, I had regained my confidence, but it wasn't due to someone else, it was because of my own hard work. Though it was a simple exercise, it was revolutionary for me. I ended my summer with a week in Wisconsin visiting family friends and going on long bike rides. Overall, it was wonderful.

When I returned to school for my senior year I was both anxious and excited. I did not (and still don't) feel ready to graduate and had no clue of what I would do in the next year. Over the summer I had taken the GRE and looked into graduate school, but that just did not seem like the right fit for the time being. I had a few anxiety attacks trying to figure it out in the midst of residence life, core team, classes, kappa, and research, but thankfully I am a part of a senior reflection group. This biweekly reflection allows me to step back and look at the bigger picture. It reminds me to be present while everyone expects me to be future-oriented and allows me to be vulnerable in a safe space.

I eventually decided that pursuing post-graduate service was my best and most fulfilling option and am currently in the midst of working on those applications. My reasoning here was that throughout this semester, I have felt most joyful in service and reflective activities. I went to the Black Hills of South Dakota for a retreat, went to El Paso for a service trip, and went to D.C. to do advocacy, and in those moments I felt as if I was doing what I was supposed to do.

Through the heartache and successes, I think my most cherished lesson of 2014 is how beautiful my group of friends is. I have been fortunate enough to find a group of 8 women with whom I can share everything. They are the first people I go to with good news, bad news, and ridiculous stories.  They are my people, my lifelong friends, and my sisters and I owe a lot to them.

2014 taught me a lot about myself. It taught me that I am a resilient person and while it is ok to be upset sometimes, there is so much to be happy about.

In 2015, I look forward to a trip to Chicago, spring break in Miami, the Society for Applied Anthropology Meeting in Pittsburgh, Shannon's wedding in Minnesota, wherever I end up after I graduate, and all of the wonderful moments I am sure to have in Omaha.

Happy New Year.

Desk, Gym, Nap, DJs, Repeat.

Now with finals being over and thoughts of second semester senior looming, I am in the midst of my last undergraduate winter break. In past years, this would mean bouncing from work to friends to my house to exploring Omaha, but that is not the case for this break. Currently, all of my high school friends, college friends, and other significant people are out of town visiting family and friends meaning that the only things I have been doing are working, hanging out with my family, and running and I couldn't be happier. After the busiest (but arguably second best (after study abroad)) semester of my life, I need some time to recharge.

One semi-exciting thing that I have been able to do is work on post-graduate service applications. The fact that I had not started them was giving me a lot of anxiety over the semester so now that I am able to work on them, I am relieved and I find myself reflecting on moments of my life that I had not thought about in a long time.

This is a short update, but with Christmas, New Years, and a trip to Chicago coming up, I am sure that there will be more.

Also, read the book Wild by Cheryl Strayed if you get the chance. It is beautifully written and has been wonderful to read the past few days.

Finals and Role Models

Well as I am sure some have noticed (Gina) I haven't posted in a minute, but that is mostly because I haven't felt much inspiration for a post. The past few weeks have felt rather routine which has been welcomed due to certain stresses that I have been feeling. It is finals week and though I have more work than I think I have ever had in the past, I cannot get myself to really worry about it. Everything will be completed in due time and the semester will be over and all will be well. Though I appreciate this perspective, I think I could be working more diligently in certain areas, but that is just a lesson I can learn for the future.

Missing this day with the best seester :)

Not to bring anyone's mood down, but currently I am feeling slightly insecure and my confidence has been shaken. Due dates for post-grad service applications are fast approaching, but I cannot get myself to sit down and start working on them and my job performance has recently been called into question. Some of my own personal insecurities were highlighted and that was challenging, but I am taking it in as a learning experience. I think I just need some time at home. I haven't spent quality time with my siblings since August because of work and traveling and more than anything I think we just need a family night at home.

I also need to sit down and just talk through everything with my grandma. For those of you who are close to me, you know that my grandma is my absolute favorite person in the world and my biggest role model. Though we disagree on nearly everything, we are still able to have respectful, loving conversations about things that we care for. I have so much respect for her based on everything she does for her. Though my grandma is 80 years old (as of yesterday!), she is still constantly running around town to care for her friends, family, and people she does not even know. If there is a need in the community, she does what she can to fix it. She has taught me what it means to be selfless and compassionate while staying true to yourself and I could not thank her enough for that.

The one and only :)

What I look forward to most with winter break approaching is getting to spend time with my grandma, my siblings, and re-centering myself. It is so easy to get lost in school, work, and the pressure to be perfect so, as cheesy as it sounds, going home and spending time with the people that mean the most to me is going to be welcomed. Hopefully while I am there, I will be able to kick this weird mood that has overcome me, but until then, I shall study.

Consumerism

Throughout this past year, I have been wrestling with my relationship with consumerism and the grip it has on American society. I have honestly been struggling with this relationship since I came back from studying abroad in the Dominican Republic where the basic needs of most people are barely met. While I was abroad, I had enough clothing for two weeks, I never wore make-up, I never did my hair, I ate as the locals ate, and I got used to the frequent power outages that left me with no electronics for extended periods of time. Though I thought these things would be excessively challenging, I enjoyed the fact that my phone was off for four months and that my clothes were so worn out that I had to get rid of them upon my arrival home. 

I won't lie, I am attached to my iPhone and really enjoy buying nice shoes, but I frequently feel anxiety and discomfort at the things I choose to purchase. I don't mind buying books or music or the occasional meal out, but I have recently been challenged by my clothing purchases. Is fifty dollars for a pair of jeans really an acceptable expense when I can wear what I already have or buy similar jeans for a lower price? Do I need three different pairs of boots because they are of various styles? Though I have the ability to purchase clothing and excesses at my own desire, I am uncomfortable with the fact that so easily do that.

Though this is something I think of often, I have been thinking about it excessively since Thanksgiving break started. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Oftentimes, expressions of gratitude are ignored or forgotten, but Thanksgiving offers up the opportunity to contemplate that for which we are thankful. However, this past week, and even on Thanksgiving, many people forewent spending time with family or friends to line up at Wal-Mart or Best Buy or Target in order to ensure they could get any and all of the items that were on super sale for Black Friday.  Most of these items were things that people already had or were things that people would not normally buy. Our desire as a nation to consume has destroyed our ability to share gratitude. More people show up to shop on black Friday than people show up to vote. Imagine what could happen if as many people who did research on Black Friday sales and went shopping did the same for elections? Many citizens would be able to make educated decisions in the polls and our government would better reflect the wishes of our population. 

So - though I feel like a major hypocrite because I did buy a pair of jeans on Cyber Monday - I think it is important to think about the toxic hold that consumerism has on our society. I think my days shopping on Black Friday and Cyber Monday are over and I hope that perhaps that will change for others as well. 

Nostalgia

With the hoopla about Black Friday and Cyber Monday and all of the days in between, I find myself really missing the Dominican Republic. Why might you ask? Read this other blog because it sums up my experience better than I could.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amanda-walkins/lessons-learned-living-on-a-caribbean-island_b_6225300.html