A Year to Learn

Every New Year's Eve, I give myself a chunk of time to reflect on the happenings of the last year and record my experiences, but I won't lie, though this year had its fair share of new experiences, it was rather tame compared to years past. I did not go on any month long journey's, my family did not have over the top drama, I didn't lose any friendships, and I didn't make many life changing decisions, but I did learn. I learned optimism and forgiveness. I learned the value of true friendship and confidence. I learned how important it is to allow myself to live in the moment and be present to the experiences that I am having.

I came to learn these lessons through a variety of experiences and people over the course of the year. I started my year new year at an awful party where someone jumped off a balcony and was severely injured. My night ended with me in tears at about 4:00 am simply searching for my bed and hoping that the rest of my year would be better.

When I returned to school, I was thrown into the midst of sorority recruitment. I had never done recruitment from the sorority perspective before because I was abroad the year prior and I was a bit anxious. Much to my surprise, I loved recruitment and I was able to learn a lot about my own chapter and organization's values. Throughout this year Kappa has become something very special to me. I have a home there and feel like the women of my chapter truly push me to be the best version of myself, but are still there to catch me when I fall. Recruitment was also fun for me because I was able to see my residents from last year find organizations where they truly felt at home. With my final recruitment looming in the near future, I am excited to welcome new sisters, but also excited to see the young women going through recruitment find a home just like I have in Kappa.

As the semester continued, I was busy, but excited to be so involved. I had started a new yearlong position on Creighton's service trip core team and was nervous, but ready to have such a large role in the service trip realm of my life. With this responsibility, being an RA, and being in a sorority, I was rather tied up with activities, but everything was going smoothly, but after Spring Break, it seemed as if everything that could go wrong did go wrong (ok that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but still). Two people from our building staff were fired leaving me to manage 60 women alone, my best friend and I had a severe falling out that was not fixed for months, and a 9 month long relationship ended unexpectedly. My heart was broken in so many ways and I felt so low. My self-esteem also took a hit and I had a hard time feeling confident.

I spent my summer putting myself back together, but I had a lot of help in doing so. I worked three jobs (DJs, the desk, and Boys Town), but still managed to find time to enjoy my friends and get some research work completed. While I was working, I purposefully focused each day on something that made me happy by participating in an activity called 100 happy days. By the time day 100 came around, I had regained my confidence, but it wasn't due to someone else, it was because of my own hard work. Though it was a simple exercise, it was revolutionary for me. I ended my summer with a week in Wisconsin visiting family friends and going on long bike rides. Overall, it was wonderful.

When I returned to school for my senior year I was both anxious and excited. I did not (and still don't) feel ready to graduate and had no clue of what I would do in the next year. Over the summer I had taken the GRE and looked into graduate school, but that just did not seem like the right fit for the time being. I had a few anxiety attacks trying to figure it out in the midst of residence life, core team, classes, kappa, and research, but thankfully I am a part of a senior reflection group. This biweekly reflection allows me to step back and look at the bigger picture. It reminds me to be present while everyone expects me to be future-oriented and allows me to be vulnerable in a safe space.

I eventually decided that pursuing post-graduate service was my best and most fulfilling option and am currently in the midst of working on those applications. My reasoning here was that throughout this semester, I have felt most joyful in service and reflective activities. I went to the Black Hills of South Dakota for a retreat, went to El Paso for a service trip, and went to D.C. to do advocacy, and in those moments I felt as if I was doing what I was supposed to do.

Through the heartache and successes, I think my most cherished lesson of 2014 is how beautiful my group of friends is. I have been fortunate enough to find a group of 8 women with whom I can share everything. They are the first people I go to with good news, bad news, and ridiculous stories.  They are my people, my lifelong friends, and my sisters and I owe a lot to them.

2014 taught me a lot about myself. It taught me that I am a resilient person and while it is ok to be upset sometimes, there is so much to be happy about.

In 2015, I look forward to a trip to Chicago, spring break in Miami, the Society for Applied Anthropology Meeting in Pittsburgh, Shannon's wedding in Minnesota, wherever I end up after I graduate, and all of the wonderful moments I am sure to have in Omaha.

Happy New Year.