A Year to Learn

Every New Year's Eve, I give myself a chunk of time to reflect on the happenings of the last year and record my experiences, but I won't lie, though this year had its fair share of new experiences, it was rather tame compared to years past. I did not go on any month long journey's, my family did not have over the top drama, I didn't lose any friendships, and I didn't make many life changing decisions, but I did learn. I learned optimism and forgiveness. I learned the value of true friendship and confidence. I learned how important it is to allow myself to live in the moment and be present to the experiences that I am having.

I came to learn these lessons through a variety of experiences and people over the course of the year. I started my year new year at an awful party where someone jumped off a balcony and was severely injured. My night ended with me in tears at about 4:00 am simply searching for my bed and hoping that the rest of my year would be better.

When I returned to school, I was thrown into the midst of sorority recruitment. I had never done recruitment from the sorority perspective before because I was abroad the year prior and I was a bit anxious. Much to my surprise, I loved recruitment and I was able to learn a lot about my own chapter and organization's values. Throughout this year Kappa has become something very special to me. I have a home there and feel like the women of my chapter truly push me to be the best version of myself, but are still there to catch me when I fall. Recruitment was also fun for me because I was able to see my residents from last year find organizations where they truly felt at home. With my final recruitment looming in the near future, I am excited to welcome new sisters, but also excited to see the young women going through recruitment find a home just like I have in Kappa.

As the semester continued, I was busy, but excited to be so involved. I had started a new yearlong position on Creighton's service trip core team and was nervous, but ready to have such a large role in the service trip realm of my life. With this responsibility, being an RA, and being in a sorority, I was rather tied up with activities, but everything was going smoothly, but after Spring Break, it seemed as if everything that could go wrong did go wrong (ok that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but still). Two people from our building staff were fired leaving me to manage 60 women alone, my best friend and I had a severe falling out that was not fixed for months, and a 9 month long relationship ended unexpectedly. My heart was broken in so many ways and I felt so low. My self-esteem also took a hit and I had a hard time feeling confident.

I spent my summer putting myself back together, but I had a lot of help in doing so. I worked three jobs (DJs, the desk, and Boys Town), but still managed to find time to enjoy my friends and get some research work completed. While I was working, I purposefully focused each day on something that made me happy by participating in an activity called 100 happy days. By the time day 100 came around, I had regained my confidence, but it wasn't due to someone else, it was because of my own hard work. Though it was a simple exercise, it was revolutionary for me. I ended my summer with a week in Wisconsin visiting family friends and going on long bike rides. Overall, it was wonderful.

When I returned to school for my senior year I was both anxious and excited. I did not (and still don't) feel ready to graduate and had no clue of what I would do in the next year. Over the summer I had taken the GRE and looked into graduate school, but that just did not seem like the right fit for the time being. I had a few anxiety attacks trying to figure it out in the midst of residence life, core team, classes, kappa, and research, but thankfully I am a part of a senior reflection group. This biweekly reflection allows me to step back and look at the bigger picture. It reminds me to be present while everyone expects me to be future-oriented and allows me to be vulnerable in a safe space.

I eventually decided that pursuing post-graduate service was my best and most fulfilling option and am currently in the midst of working on those applications. My reasoning here was that throughout this semester, I have felt most joyful in service and reflective activities. I went to the Black Hills of South Dakota for a retreat, went to El Paso for a service trip, and went to D.C. to do advocacy, and in those moments I felt as if I was doing what I was supposed to do.

Through the heartache and successes, I think my most cherished lesson of 2014 is how beautiful my group of friends is. I have been fortunate enough to find a group of 8 women with whom I can share everything. They are the first people I go to with good news, bad news, and ridiculous stories.  They are my people, my lifelong friends, and my sisters and I owe a lot to them.

2014 taught me a lot about myself. It taught me that I am a resilient person and while it is ok to be upset sometimes, there is so much to be happy about.

In 2015, I look forward to a trip to Chicago, spring break in Miami, the Society for Applied Anthropology Meeting in Pittsburgh, Shannon's wedding in Minnesota, wherever I end up after I graduate, and all of the wonderful moments I am sure to have in Omaha.

Happy New Year.

Desk, Gym, Nap, DJs, Repeat.

Now with finals being over and thoughts of second semester senior looming, I am in the midst of my last undergraduate winter break. In past years, this would mean bouncing from work to friends to my house to exploring Omaha, but that is not the case for this break. Currently, all of my high school friends, college friends, and other significant people are out of town visiting family and friends meaning that the only things I have been doing are working, hanging out with my family, and running and I couldn't be happier. After the busiest (but arguably second best (after study abroad)) semester of my life, I need some time to recharge.

One semi-exciting thing that I have been able to do is work on post-graduate service applications. The fact that I had not started them was giving me a lot of anxiety over the semester so now that I am able to work on them, I am relieved and I find myself reflecting on moments of my life that I had not thought about in a long time.

This is a short update, but with Christmas, New Years, and a trip to Chicago coming up, I am sure that there will be more.

Also, read the book Wild by Cheryl Strayed if you get the chance. It is beautifully written and has been wonderful to read the past few days.

Finals and Role Models

Well as I am sure some have noticed (Gina) I haven't posted in a minute, but that is mostly because I haven't felt much inspiration for a post. The past few weeks have felt rather routine which has been welcomed due to certain stresses that I have been feeling. It is finals week and though I have more work than I think I have ever had in the past, I cannot get myself to really worry about it. Everything will be completed in due time and the semester will be over and all will be well. Though I appreciate this perspective, I think I could be working more diligently in certain areas, but that is just a lesson I can learn for the future.

Missing this day with the best seester :)

Not to bring anyone's mood down, but currently I am feeling slightly insecure and my confidence has been shaken. Due dates for post-grad service applications are fast approaching, but I cannot get myself to sit down and start working on them and my job performance has recently been called into question. Some of my own personal insecurities were highlighted and that was challenging, but I am taking it in as a learning experience. I think I just need some time at home. I haven't spent quality time with my siblings since August because of work and traveling and more than anything I think we just need a family night at home.

I also need to sit down and just talk through everything with my grandma. For those of you who are close to me, you know that my grandma is my absolute favorite person in the world and my biggest role model. Though we disagree on nearly everything, we are still able to have respectful, loving conversations about things that we care for. I have so much respect for her based on everything she does for her. Though my grandma is 80 years old (as of yesterday!), she is still constantly running around town to care for her friends, family, and people she does not even know. If there is a need in the community, she does what she can to fix it. She has taught me what it means to be selfless and compassionate while staying true to yourself and I could not thank her enough for that.

The one and only :)

What I look forward to most with winter break approaching is getting to spend time with my grandma, my siblings, and re-centering myself. It is so easy to get lost in school, work, and the pressure to be perfect so, as cheesy as it sounds, going home and spending time with the people that mean the most to me is going to be welcomed. Hopefully while I am there, I will be able to kick this weird mood that has overcome me, but until then, I shall study.

Consumerism

Throughout this past year, I have been wrestling with my relationship with consumerism and the grip it has on American society. I have honestly been struggling with this relationship since I came back from studying abroad in the Dominican Republic where the basic needs of most people are barely met. While I was abroad, I had enough clothing for two weeks, I never wore make-up, I never did my hair, I ate as the locals ate, and I got used to the frequent power outages that left me with no electronics for extended periods of time. Though I thought these things would be excessively challenging, I enjoyed the fact that my phone was off for four months and that my clothes were so worn out that I had to get rid of them upon my arrival home. 

I won't lie, I am attached to my iPhone and really enjoy buying nice shoes, but I frequently feel anxiety and discomfort at the things I choose to purchase. I don't mind buying books or music or the occasional meal out, but I have recently been challenged by my clothing purchases. Is fifty dollars for a pair of jeans really an acceptable expense when I can wear what I already have or buy similar jeans for a lower price? Do I need three different pairs of boots because they are of various styles? Though I have the ability to purchase clothing and excesses at my own desire, I am uncomfortable with the fact that so easily do that.

Though this is something I think of often, I have been thinking about it excessively since Thanksgiving break started. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Oftentimes, expressions of gratitude are ignored or forgotten, but Thanksgiving offers up the opportunity to contemplate that for which we are thankful. However, this past week, and even on Thanksgiving, many people forewent spending time with family or friends to line up at Wal-Mart or Best Buy or Target in order to ensure they could get any and all of the items that were on super sale for Black Friday.  Most of these items were things that people already had or were things that people would not normally buy. Our desire as a nation to consume has destroyed our ability to share gratitude. More people show up to shop on black Friday than people show up to vote. Imagine what could happen if as many people who did research on Black Friday sales and went shopping did the same for elections? Many citizens would be able to make educated decisions in the polls and our government would better reflect the wishes of our population. 

So - though I feel like a major hypocrite because I did buy a pair of jeans on Cyber Monday - I think it is important to think about the toxic hold that consumerism has on our society. I think my days shopping on Black Friday and Cyber Monday are over and I hope that perhaps that will change for others as well. 

Nostalgia

With the hoopla about Black Friday and Cyber Monday and all of the days in between, I find myself really missing the Dominican Republic. Why might you ask? Read this other blog because it sums up my experience better than I could.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/amanda-walkins/lessons-learned-living-on-a-caribbean-island_b_6225300.html

Semi-Formalities and The Beginning of the End

To be quite honest, there is not too much to report from the past week. The year is winding down meaning that projects and papers and assignments are piling up. Seeing as this is my fourth (or seventh if you count semesterly) time doing this, you would expect that I am used to the workload, but I still find myself staying up until 3am and waking up at 7am regularly to complete assignments. I guess I don't mind it though because I still find myself prioritizing time with friends over schoolwork which shows that I am not too concerned.

One thing that I am beginning to notice is that the beginning of the end of my time in college is really starting to being. This weekend was a weekend of lasts and while I enjoyed my time, I found myself becoming sentimental. Saturday was a wild day. I was on duty the night prior and had to be up at 7 to do Day of Formation for the service trip coordinators. This day of formation was my last day of formation. I enjoyed spending the day with my peers and teaching them how to facilitate the different aspects of our program, but I found myself becoming rather reflective. As I looked around the room at the sophomores and juniors, I found comfort because I know that we are leaving the program in capable hands, but I also felt strange knowing that my involvement in the program is about to be over.

Immediately after Day of Formation, I went over to my friends apartment to get ready for my final semi-formal with Kappa and my final social event with my little who is studying abroad in the spring. For whatever reason, I much prefer semi-formal and formal to the date parties in Kappa. Perhaps its because I really enjoy wearing fancy dresses, but who knows. I was able to spend my night dancing with my closest friends and some new friends. A few things went awry meaning that one of my friends who is the president was unable to spend a lot of time with us. This lead us to going out after semi which was a blast.

Though I am currently managing emotions about the end of so many things, there are also many wonderful things that are just beginning. As for details on that... you will have to wait for a later post ;)

The only picture I have from the events

Carrying on a Legacy of Justice

This past weekend, I was blessed to be able to make a 20 hour bus ride to Washington DC with 58 other members of the Creighton community to participate in the Ignatian Family Teach-In for Justice. This was my second experience with IFTJ and it is an event that has been very impactful and formative in my college career. For those of you who do not know much about IFTJ, it is a conference held every year to commemorate the six Jesuits, their house keeper, and her daughter who were martyred on November 17, 1989 at the University of Central America in El Salvador. Thousands of members of the Jesuit community come out to support this event and it is truly beautiful. The Jesuits were working to create a more just community for the marginalized groups in El Salvador and the government did not like that. Due to this, Salvadoran soldiers who were trained by the School of the Americas in Fort Benning Georgia murdered the Jesuits in a rather horrific manner.

While my heart aches every time I hear about these events, I don't think I was fully aware of the gravity of what the UCA martyrs did until this past weekend on IFTJ. These men and women quite literally worked for justice until death. They were aware that they could die, but they did not let that stop them. They kept going. This hit me hard because I often question to what length I would go for justice. Currently, I am weighing my post graduate opportunities and I find myself saying things like "I need a stipend" or "I need help with loans" and now I feel rather selfish. They were willing to give up their life and I have only been willing to give my service conditionally when there shouldn't be a condition placed on when justice for humanity is right. While I am still excited to being post graduate service, I now have a new framework for how I want to serve.

While on IFTJ, I was able to attend many break out sessions and advocate on capital hill for issues that are important to me. I spent a lot of my time expanding my knowledge on issues relating to environmental justice and took that information to Senator Grassley's office. I was advocating for the EPA power plan which seeks to enforce carbon output regulations in order that only 30% of emissions will be carbon related by 2030. Naturally, Senator Grassley does not support this and I found myself having to bite my tongue in order to not become unprofessional. Overall it was a phenomenal learning experience and gives me more willpower to continue writing letters, making phone calls, and participating in visits with members of the house and senate.

Overall, I still find IFTJ to be beautiful. It provides an experience where I have never seen more passion, an experience where I can connect my faith to my passion, and an experience that gives vocational direction. I am proud to have gone, and I hope to rise up to the challenges I was given while there.

Born to Run

Have you ever felt invincible? Have you ever had that moment where you feel like you can and will accomplish all that you have hoped to accomplish? Have you ever felt like your body has a connection to any and all things around you? That is the feeling I find when I have a good, powerful run.

I realize I talk about running a lot, but recently the connection I have with running has been a formative and exhilarating part of my life. Though I enjoy running with friends, I also appreciate the time I have when I run alone, be it on a trail, on a track, or on a treadmill. I put in my ear buds and just go and I am not sure that there is anything else in my life that is like that. When I do this, I push myself to my highest limits. I go until I cannot breathe, feel my legs, or move any faster, but somehow I keep going and I often find myself smiling and occasionally crying. I cry at the absolute beauty of what it means to be alive and to be able to push my body to its limits and continue to break barriers and how lucky I am to have this desire. 

I often reflect on how weird this feeling is, this obsession I have with breaking my boundaries while running, but I think it is because it is something that is purely my own. The strong introvert in me rarely is given the attention it deserves. All day every day I am in class, meetings, attending to the needs of friends, family, and residents while trying to find the alone time that I need and crave. On a solo run, I allow myself thirty minutes to an hour where I can be alone with my thoughts and do something that truly only impacts me. This relationship began when I was in middle school and my family was upside down. Though I was only 13, I found solace in tying up my tennis shoes and leaving the familial strife behind the front door. Running is something that has always been mine and something that I almost view as sacred. 

Though this relationship has existed for quite some time, I did not recognize it until this summer when I began to research running. I wanted to know about what a healthy running diet was, proper shoes, proper training for races, how to become faster, how to run on different terrain, etc. If I needed to cheer up, I picked up a book about running, looked up running on pinterest, or tied up my shoes and had some fun. I am beginning to better understand this connection and I am beginning to appreciate what it brings to my life. Sometimes my runs suck. I can't breathe, cramp up, am too dehydrated, too hot, too cold, or too tired, but I will run as long as my body allows me to. I was born to run and I cannot let that go.

Being Thankful

I apologize for the hiatus in posts, but last week I didn't have a free minute to myself. It was to the point that I did not even have time to run or do yoga. I was mostly busy because my service trip collateral was in full force. I am in charge of planning and executing the service trip reunion. 50 weeks out of the year, planning the reunion is incredibly easy. The other 2 weeks are a different story and last week happened to be one of those weeks. I was also much busier with school than I had planned or expected to be. Papers are piling up along with exams and projects, but in the midst of all of this I find myself not wanting to miss out on the social parts of my life. In the past, I wouldn't mind skipping a date party or a movie night with my friends to stay in and study because there would always be more date parties and movie nights. That is not the case this year. With graduation looming in the near future, I want to engage in any and every moment with my peers because only God knows when I will have these opportunities in the future.

While the business of this past week was at best draining, and I won't lie, I cried in my professors office (embarrassing right?), I cannot help, but be grateful for these opportunities and the friends that I have to support me throughout. I am so so lucky to be able to get a university education. Only one percent of the world's population of the world is able to attain an education from a university and I am fortunate enough to attend a university that exposes me to a rigorous course load. I am lucky to have professors who push me and believe that I can be successful. I am lucky to have numerous leadership positions and membership positions in organizations around campus. I am lucky to have friends and family members who constantly call or text me because they want to see me. Yes, I have put in an insurmountable amount of work and am truly dedicated, but my privilege is what opened up these doors and I cannot overlook that. While I am overwhelmed by the demands in my life, I am so grateful that I have been chosen to fulfill those duties.

I am also incredibly thankful for my friends who have been helping me  and have never left my side along the way. Last semester, when I went through a pretty heart wrenching break up, I was able to fall on my Kappa sisters for support. And when I say fall, I mean it quite literally. I cannot count the number of times one of my sisters crawled in my bed or let me crash in their rooms for support on one hand. Ever since then, there has been a core group of about eight of us that do everything together. We share secrets and heart aches, but also laughs and each others accomplishments and I cannot thank them enough for that. This past weekend on Halloween, we were all together and I found myself feeling so incredibly happy. We were dancing to Taylor Swift's Shake it Off and I was able to look around and see how much we have become a true family. Naturally we then all got emotional about graduating and knowing that this group is not invincible, but I know these are my friends for life.

Through the trials and tribulations of growing up, I have always heard that you will find your people. I have found my people and though life is stressful, I know it will be okay.

Expanding My Concept of Community

This past week I was blessed to coordinate a service trip to El Paso, Texas to learn about issues surrounding immigration into the United States. Our host site was at the Annunciation House, an organization which cares for immigrants in their transition into the United States. The Annunciation House cares for those who have crossed the border without documents, those seeking asylum, and those collecting their social security benefits. The Annunciation House has four locations: Annunciation House, Casa Vides, Nazareth, and Casa Teresa. The main house is open to migrants who are in need of a place to stay while working towards their next step, Casa Vides houses those who need a longer stay, Nazareth houses migrants who are seeking asylum and need a place to stay for a day or two before moving on to their next stop, and Casa Teresa hosts the administrative offices. Everything at Annunciation House is run by volunteers who receive no kind of monetary benefit and volunteers only have their basic needs met. The house is funded purely on donations, yet everything still works. The reason that I go into such detail about the workings of the house is that the work being done is remarkable and incredibly necessary.

This summer, there was a large exodus of migrants from Central America (Honduras, Guatemala, and El Salvador) who were fleeing violence. In order to account for this the United States government opened a detention center named Artesia which is located in a remote area of New Mexico. The average age of detainees there is six years old and the detainees are primarily women and children. This means that many people who are simply entering the United States to flee the violence in their home countries are being locked up in the middle of the desert. Because the detention center in Artesia was at capacity and ICE was out of solutions, Annunciation House was able to step in and care for those seeking asylum. Though many Americans may think that those seeking asylum aren't running from true strife, it is interesting to note that of the five cases that have actually been carried from start to finish out of Artesia with proper legal representation have been granted asylum. These people are fleeing their homes because they fear for their lives and we "open our arms" by locking them up with their children in the desert. This treatment is far from humane and far from just.

The worst part of much of this is that the violence these people face is created by an industry the United States has generated: the drug industry. Americans love weed, cocaine, heroine, and many other drugs and Central and South American drug cartels are more than happy to provide for our addictions. The cartels will do whatever they can to gain power and this means oftentimes murdering the people of their countries to gain turf. The governments in these countries lack power which means the drug cartels are at liberty to do as they please. By using drugs recreationally, Americans are putting the lives of others in danger. If you choose to use drugs, I urge you to understand that you have blood on your hands and a high is not worth that truth.

I was also able to learn this week that there is essentially no legal way for an immigrant to enter the United States simply looking for work. If an immigrant worker was even considered for a Visa it could easily take decades before that is granted. Our economy relies on these migrant workers and our farms would not be sustained if these human beings did not enter our country. The least we could do is provide them with a fair, legal pathway to citizenship and/or entry into our country. Instead, we force them to migrate illegally. Those who are caught migrating in the dark through the desert in search for work are prosecuted as criminals and deported with any chance of entering our country legally eliminated.

While I am not trying to preach, I am trying to make a point. I realized just how privileged I am to be a white United States citizen this week. To have been born in Omaha, NE may be one of the luckiest moments of my life. I do not have to fear for my life as I leave my home and I currently have three jobs available to me for money. I do not have to fear that I will be discriminated against racially when I reach the Border Patrol checkpoint outside of El Paso. I do not feel guilty for this privilege, but I do feel that it gives me a much larger responsibility. I am responsible for ensuring that my brothers and sisters in Mexico and Central America are treated humanely and justly. If Jordan, one of the poorest countries in Eastern Europe, can receive millions of refugees from Syria, why are we unable to receive thousands of refugees from the south?

My community is not only those who are able to claim they are United States citizens. My community is the many human beings of this planet. If caring for my community means fighting a hard battle to gain just, humane immigration reform, I will do it. If caring for my community means sharing or giving of my belongings, I will do it. If caring for my community means breaking boundaries, I will do it. My community is what truly matters in this temporal, earthly life, and I shall care for and treasure it with my whole being.

Accepting God's Invitation

Tonight I went to mass per usual for my Saturday nights and I am so glad I went. Father Carlson, one of my favorite Jesuits said the mass and he had quite a compelling homily. He talked about accepting God's invitation in our life. As I live in my senior year and am trying to be thoughtful, this was precisely what I needed to hear. I may think I know what God wants me to do, but sometimes I am wrong and sometimes I need to listen a little more closely - even if it scares me. Though I may not know exactly what God wants me to do or what God's invitation is for me, Father Carlson reminded me to be willing to accept that invitation regardless of what it is. When I become anxious (which is often) it calms me to know that trusting in God will lead me in the right direction. Father Carlson spoke to exactly what I needed to hear. For that I am grateful.

The Beauty of Perfect Days

Today when I woke up I did not expect it to be a great day. I have been in the midst of numerous anxiety attacks due to the overwhelming load I have taken on and unfortunately, waking up has been stressful. I even missed my alarm which made me wake up a half hour late, but besides that, I had what felt like a perfect day.

It began and ended in the CCSJ which I think has a lot to do with it. I woke up, went to the CCSJ to do some tasky things and have a pre-trip meeting for my service trip. In this meeting I was able to reflect on the past few weeks my co-coordinator and I have had in preparing for the trip and I have never been more excited. I have wanted to go to El Paso for years and I am able to lead the trip with one of my closest friends. Our group is excited, enthusiastic, and committed which is all I could ever ask for and I cannot wait to experience El Paso with them.

I then ate lunch with some of my Kappa sisters and studied in the library. It was mac and cheese day and mac and cheese is one of my favorite meals so I was pretty happy. Also, as lame as it sounds, I was so happy to be studying. It put some of those nerves I mentioned earlier to rest which was needed.

Next, I had class, dinner, and body pump. Class and dinner were pretty typical, but I always look forward to body pump. Over the past year and a half exercise has become a priority in my life and not working out makes me a crabby person. Also, Precy, the lady who runs body pump is a gem. Lifting is not my forte, but she makes me believe in myself. Over the past year I have become so much stronger and her encouragement has a lot to do with that.

Then I had my final General Meeting as a leader of the service and justice trip program and I have never been happier. When I think back to our first meeting in February and think to now, Melissa, Drew, Bekah, and I have grown immensely. Being on core team has given me confidence and skills that are of immeasurable value. The amount of energy in the room tonight was incredible and I feel like the participants and coordinators are just as excited as we are about service. The CCSJ has led me and challenged me to follow my passions. It has provided me with an outlet where I can be myself yet challenge myself to be more. I have never been truly unhappy in the CCSJ which I think speaks to that office's character. I cannot express my gratitude nearly enough for the mentors in that office who have shaped me and I feel joy.

I ended my evening talking to my residents with whom I am finally connecting. I love that I can open my door up and that any one of the 30 of them will stop by and we can have a full conversation. I am getting to know who they are as individuals - the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful - which is my favorite part about being an RA. I don't think they know how much they impact my life, but since I know Riley is reading this, I am sure she can tell them all ;)

So. Today was a beautiful, perfect day. Those do not occur often and I am so grateful to have had it. Below are some photos from the week and I hope you enjoy them.

Peace.

An Ode to my Feet

Here they are, the lovely feet that carry me everywhere:

You may be wondering what inspired me to write this post. It is an odd topic, but I think it is important. The other day I was off to a meeting and I ran into a friend. I was wearing my chaco sandals that I wear nearly everyday and she looked at my feet and said, "You need to paint your nails girlfriend." While I understand that my feet don't look that great, I took more offense at the comment than I should have and I wanted to know why. After thinking about it for a while, I realized it is because I have a deeper connection to my feet than most people probably have. Don't worry, I don't have a fetish or anything like that, but I am very grateful to have two feet that take me where I need to go.

I have this connection to my feet for a variety of reasons, but I didn't truly understand it until I took a course in Medical Anthropology. Throughout the course we discussed a variety of cultural issues relating to health such as deaf culture, blind culture, the culture of mental health care, etc. We also talked about how our cultures would change if we went without a limb or a sense.

This became real to me because as a child I broke my leg due to a tumor and I was unable to use it fully for about nine months. I knew what it was like to go without. I could no longer play soccer, ride my bike, play tag, or participate in PE. My entire identity changed for those nine months and I did not like that.

As I grew older I reintegrated myself into sports, especially running. Running to me is more than just a way to stay in shape. It is a therapeutic, meditative act that is incredibly integral in my life. If I go too long without a run, my entire outlook changes. I have worked through some very real issues during runs and I have learned how to push myself to my highest limitations and even beyond them. I could not do this without my feet. I could not run, bike, do yoga, climb stairs, hike mountains, or go on walks with my sister in the same way.

Though I have more blisters and callouses than anyone ever should, currently have my left toe wrapped in a bandage, have zig zag tan lines from my chacos, and have really rough looking toe nails, I don't mind. My feet do more for me than much else in my life, and for that, I appreciate them.

Accepting Uncertainty

To say that the last week and a half was a whirl wind would not be doing it justice to say the least. Just to make a list of it all, my building flooded, Kappa won a different organization's philanthropy event, I made amends with my ex-boyfriend, rode my bike to a beautiful place, helped residents manage some challenging issues, attended an academic banquet, SUBMITTED MY RESEARCH, and finally led my second to last service trip preparation meeting. Phew. Essentially, I have been trying to be someone for everyone and do all that I can to make senior year "count."

In the midst of all of this, I had to accept some harsh realities. One of my friendships took a rather large hit which hurts. I realized that going to graduate school right after undergrad is not the best option for me and I need to gain experience before graduate school will be the best option. I didn't study enough for a challenging exam and my residents are starting to reveal their very real struggles to me. All of these challenges are normal and are to be expected. I do not feel bad for myself for having to manage them, but I do understand that they are shaping my future and my year.

It can be overwhelming at times to manage all of it while still portraying to those around me that I have it all together. My closest friends and I sat down recently and talked about how we feel like we are peaking right now because everything is planned out, but next year is an abyss. When I walked into the academic excellence banquet for Kappa, this all changed. I was very blessed and fortunate to hear a speech by a nursing school professor. Normally at these things I hear the typical make your college career count speech, but this professor took on a different perspective. She told us that we need to learn to accept uncertainty. By doing that we can begin to live. Nothing in life is ever truly planned. Though I may plan to go to Oktober Fest tomorrow night, something may change in the next 24 hours not allowing  me to do that. Hearing the professor talk allowed me to free myself from these incredibly high expectations that I have placed on myself and I don't think she could ever know how grateful I am for that.

She reminded me to be grateful. I am grateful for the opportunity to be a leader at Creighton. I am grateful for Kiewit hall and my residents. I am grateful for the CCSJ. I am grateful for friends who aren't afraid to be honest with me and hold me accountable for my actions, but I am also grateful to know that I have many people that I can call at any time of day for assistance. I am grateful for Kappa. I am grateful for my family, especially my grandmother. Lastly, I am grateful for my faith in God which has let me know that all of this is possible.

Celebrating the Talent of my Friends

I have a friend named Nico who will be famous someday. This is something that I know will be true because he is talented and his work is relevant. In earlier posts I mentioned that I went camping with my university. Here is a video that Nico made to encompass the journey and I don't think it could be any better.

http://vimeo.com/107000266

Nothing is more practical than finding God, than falling in Love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings, how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in Love, stay in love, and it will decide everything. - Pedro Arrupe

Merp.

So. If you know me, you have heard me say the word merp before. Merp is a word that I use when times are slightly frustrating and to my dismay, this week has been slightly frustrating. Now, normally on a blog I wouldn't whine, but if I want this blog to be an authentic representation of my life, I have to recognize that things aren't always going to happen the way that I want or expect.

Anyway, as my last post stated, last Wednesday I finally joined the 21 club and Wednesday was truly a beautiful day. I was in class and meetings from 8:25 am to 5:00 pm, but I didn't mind because I am fortunate to be taking courses I love and the meetings I had were for organizations that I truly care about. Afterwards, I went to Roja with my brother and two close friends to enjoy my first legal drink and enjoy it I did. I proceeded to go to my sorority chapter in a very great mood and was elected to the Academic Excellence committee so kudos to me. That night I went out with some of my closest friends and finished the evening with a quesarito (which is God's gift to mankind if you did not know yet).

The next day is when things start to get merpy. Basically, I currently am in a weird transition and I don't quite know how to manage it. While I love being an RA, being a member of Core team, and being in Kappa, I am now beginning to realize that all of these things will cease to exist as I know them in a matter of months. I am being challenged by senior year in ways that I did not expect. For example, as an RA I expected the year to begin similarly to the way it did last year, but a lot changes in twelve months. I am an RA for freshmen women and to state it simply, I am in a much different place than my residents are. They are at the cusp of discovering who they want to become and are starting relationships that will last them a life time while I am trying to live up to the expectations I have developed for myself and trying to cope with the fact that in May, my core group of friends will no longer all be in one place. I am preparing to leave Omaha for an indefinite period of time which scares me more than I would like to admit and all the while I am trying to manage through a couple of falling outs that I never foresaw.

All of this being said, I am grateful for my position in life. I have been surprised this year by how much I can count on the people in my life and by how much I have grown. Three years ago when I started at Creighton University, I was incredibly naive, quiet, and self-conscious. I am currently rather audacious and driven with big dreams that I know I can achieve. I just have to get through the merpy parts of life first.

My Last Day Being Underage

I suppose this title is just me advertising to the world yet again that tomorrow is my 21st birthday. Other than that, the title is pretty arbitrary because if my day goes as planned it will be pretty uneventful.

So anyway, to the content, this past week feels like it was pretty standard, but in reality, it was not. On Wednesday of last week, my little and I spontaneously decided to go to the Husker game against McNeese St. I am so glad that we made that decision because last week was rather challenging in terms of balancing school, work life, and my social life. I want to be on point in class, but that is difficult when you miss your first writing assignment (which I did). Anyway, come the weekend, I was in need of a break. Again.

Vegetarian Chili

Friday night, I was very fortunate to spend a large chunk of time with individuals who work in the Creighton Center for Service and Justice (CCSJ). This office has been an integral part of my experience at Creighton and spending time with the people who work there is always something I look forward to and crave. Ken, the director, was kind enough to invite everyone over for some home cooked food and community. My dad was even able to meet my coworkers which I never expected to happen. Later that night I picked up my bike so now I finally have some transportation and it is sustainable which is a win-win. All of this being said, my favorite part of Friday night was being able to hang out with some residents and eat pancakes. Up until that moment, I had only spent significant time with residents in mandatory meetings which is something I was not happy about. Finally being able to see them outside of that setting and be a bit more human was welcomed.



Saturday I attended my first ever Husker football game. Sounds exciting, but when I told people this, they looked shocked and disappointed because I am a Nebraska native and to not have attended a Husker game by then was embarrassing. It was an interesting situation because the game was an 11:30 game meaning that tail-gating began at 8am. So, I found myself at a UNL Pike party at 10am meaning my first Lincoln frat party happened at 10am. Then we watched the game which was much much closer than it should have been. To be honest though, I didn't mind because I got to see a really exciting game for less than thirty dollars. I now understand why people love Husker football. The energy is like something I have never experienced before and could make anyone happy.

So after the weekend ended, I fell back into the normal routine of duty, classes, and meetings. Its gucci though because starting tomorrow, I am a legal woman and fun times are to be had ;)

The First Two Weeks

As I sit here and begin this blog to document my senior year of college, it is already crazy to me that I have been moved into my dorm room for two weeks. Though I have only had two actual days of class, it has been a whirlwind of  a first two weeks. For those of you who don't know I am a house advisor (glorified second year RA) and on the leadership team for Creighton's service and justice trip program. Because of these commitments, it seems like I have been running from meeting to class to meeting for the past couple of weeks. Occasionally I get to consider eating or sleeping or running, you know, the necessities. While I have constantly felt, I am in love with the organizations I work with at Creighton and I am incredibly grateful for the opportunities they have given me. That being said, by last Friday, I was in desperate need of some sleep, sun, and a break. Thankfully, I signed up for the Fall Adventure Retreat through Creighton's campus ministry. Essentially, I was able to go on a four day camping trip in the beautiful black hills of South Dakota with some of my best friends while getting to know new friends as well. I was nervous to leave my residents for the first weekend of school, but I have no regrets for leaving.

Because I was on a retreat, I spent a great amount of time reflecting on my relationship with God. As a senior, it is amazing to see the intense transformation in my relationship with God. As a first year student, God was a distant figure that did not really have any place in my life, and now as a senior, God is my greatest companion and the one who drives my life. I felt His presence at every moment throughout the retreat and currently feel him with me as I prepare for the year ahead. While I signed up to attend the Fall Adventure retreat because it included hiking, biking, and camping (some of my favorite activities), I left with a sense of peace and a clearer understanding of my position in life. I also left with a sunburn and greasy hair from not showering for 4 days, but those are just details.

On the retreat, I realized my own personal need for reflection which is why I started this blog. Reflecting on my senior year will allow me to live through it more purposefully, and hopefully more joyfully.

I hope you enjoy it.