#NoMoreTears

*Deep breath in*

This week has easily been the biggest emotional roller coaster that I have been on in a long time and if you know me, you know that I cry at the drop of a hat - especially when I am tired. Currently as I type this, I can feel the beginnings of tears, but seeing as the title of this is about not crying, I am going to try to reel it in.

*Deep breath out*

This weekend started off wonderfully with easily one of the best Valentine's Days I have ever had. I ate brunch with my closest girl friends in our pajamas and we all prepared a dish. I made my first ever real thing (as in food) and was pretty proud of myself. When I went back to my building, I saw that Trent had left me flowers and chocolates. I had never been given flowers before and I felt very cared for and special. Though I spent the afternoon working on homework, I was happy because I was actually accomplishing something for my research which had been giving me anxiety. That night Trent picked me up and we had an early dinner at Salt 88 (which I highly recommend), then watched one of our favorite movies (Silver Lining's Playbook), and ended the night by playing drinking games. Trent taught me a new one (Beer Die) and while I was frustrated because I was losing, it was actually really fun. Needless to say, my Valentine's Day was everything I could have asked for it to be and I was incredibly joyful.

*Deep breath in*

The next day is when the roller-coaster hit a bit of a low point. I had to have a challenging conversation with someone I care about that made me question a lot of things about what it means to care for someone and  made me feel ultimately insecure which is something I haven't felt in a long time. I am hoping and feeling that things are on the up and up, but only time will tell and my impatience is rather unhelpful.

*Deep breath out*

Tuesday I was given the wonderful news that my first choice position for post-graduate service has offered me a position for next year. I immediately accepted and so much pressure was finally taken off of my shoulders. I am blessed to be able to do something that I know will challenge me as a person and help me grow and I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to work for the Mercy Home for Boys and Girls next year.

*Deep breath in*

Finally Wednesday I had to say goodbye to my brother (and best friend) as he moved to New York to pursue his lifelong dream of acting and directing. While I am immensely proud of him, I feel a lot of sadness because my go-to person is no longer here.  We will obviously still talk and now I have a fun place to visit, but getting used to his absence will take some getting used to.

*Deep breath out*

In the midst of all of this, it is really difficult to not be overly emotional. It is not yet noon and I have felt like crying for both happy and sad reasons at least four times. I know that these incredibly intense emotions will subside eventually, but for now I am concentrating on no more tears.

*Deep breath in*

I have a lot to look forward to this weekend: senior bar crawl for Kappa, ice-skating with my sisters, seeing the service trip movie premier, and watching the Oscars. I don't want to put a damper on these events with tears so for now, I will just keep breathing and hoping for a little bit of solitude and peace.

*Deep breath out*